


Unchained Malady

by anna_chronistic



Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Comedy, Fluff, Gen, Grantaire hates puns, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One-Sided Enjolras/Grantaire, Sickfic, kind of, this is mostly dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-28 19:02:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11424165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anna_chronistic/pseuds/anna_chronistic
Summary: "Remember when we were playing spin the bottle the other day and the bottle pointed towards you?" asked Grantaire. "I didn't know that I was coming down with a cold that day. And well, when we made out, I kinda pretended that you were a younger version of Enjolras""No wonder you used so much tongue," Joly said, realizing that it was R that got him sick.Grantaire and Joly are both sick when they decide to audition for an improv comedy troupe.





	Unchained Malady

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from the song _Unchained Melody_ by the Righteous Brothers.

**Friday at 8 a.m.**

Joly is in his apartment alone, planning on staying home. He's convinced that he has strep throat, but in reality he just has a mild cold. Then the landline phone started ringing. _Who the fuck still calls the landline?_ Joly thought.

"Hello?"

"What's up, Jols?" a raspy voice said on the other line.

"Oh hey, Grantaire. I don't feel that well. I may have strep throat."

"Funny you should say that, 'cause I'm also sick."

"Bummer."

"I also may have left my laptop computer at your house. It has a bunch of digital sketches on it". Grantaire turned away from the phone to cough, but Joly could still hear it on the other line.

Joly looked around the house and discovered that there was, indeed, a laptop there. "Yeah, you did leave it here. You can come over and pick it up if you like".

"Cool. I'll be there in 30".

Joly sneezed just after he hung up the phone.

**8:30 a.m.**

There is a knock at Joly's door. It's R, and he has a skateboard. Grantaire sneezed loudly, getting snot on his jacket, but he didn't seem to notice at all.

"Are you drunk?" asked Joly. He noticed that Grantaire skateboarded to his apartment instead of driving. "Maybe," said Grantaire. "Dude, it's 8:30 a.m. You shouldn't be day-drinking if you have a cold," Joly was concerned. He ran his hands through his dirty blond hair.

"You worry so much," said Grantaire. "I'm not worried; just concerned. By the way, here's your laptop," said Joly.

"Hey Joly, it's Friday. Aren't you gonna do anything today?" R asked, nudging Joly playfully.

"I'm afraid not. But I might go to the doctors' to see if I have a streptococcus infection," Joly sniffled.

"Relax, Joly. You don't have strep throat."

"How do you know that?"

"Remember when we were playing spin the bottle the other day and the bottle pointed towards you?" asked Grantaire. "I didn't know that I was coming down with a cold that day. And well, when we made out, I kinda pretended that you were a younger version of Enjolras"

"No wonder you used so much tongue," Joly said, realizing that it was R that got him sick. "Besides, I'm actually a year older than Enjolras."

Unlike R, Joly is actually pretty good looking despite being a major nerd. He's a baby-faced blonde who has longish hair with big bright eyes and faded freckles on his small nose. He basically looks like a mini Enjolras, but with brown eyes.

"But that's understandable, because I know that Enjolras is hard for you to talk to," Joly sympathized.

"Not for long. There's auditions for the improv troupe, the Barricade Barracudas, later today, and E is gonna be there. Once I impress him with my comedy skills, I won't have to worry about starting a conversation with him."

"I guess I'll tell them that I can't go because I'm ill," Joly said, taking a tissue and blowing his nose.  
Grantaire also blows his nose, which is much louder. It sounds a lot like a trumpet.

"It seems like every time there's an audition or something like that, you coincidentally happen to be sick," R said skeptically.

"Yup, that happens every time. It's like the curse of Joly or something," said Joly.

"I guess Bossuet's bad luck rubbed off on you then".

"Don't be silly, R. Bad luck isn't a virus. Or is it?" Joly contemplates, staring into the abyss.

_Crap, I shouldn't have said that_ , R thought.

"I guess the reason you get sick is because you're a neat freak," Grantaire says, observing the pristine apartment.

"Please explain yourself, 'Taire. I'm curious as to why sanitizing things can make one sick."

"Because being exposed to germs strengthens your immune system," Grantaire said. " I rarely get sick; I've only ever had a few sinus infections the last couple years. Ya see, when I was but a wee lad, I would play games at the arcade. They were the games where you had to insert quarters for it to work. But I didn't have pockets all the time. So you know what I did? I put the quarters in my mouth until I was ready to use them."

"Ew, that's disgusting," said Joly. "Do you know how many pathogens money has?"

"But alas, dear Joly, I didn't end up missing Hebrew school because I was sick. I missed class because I didn't feel like going and ditched. Truancy at its finest."

"Truant from Hebrew school, huh?" said Joly. "That sounds a lot like _Jewancy_! I guess I should audition for the improv troupe." Joly laughed at his lame pun.

"That joke sucked," R said plainly. "I'm sorry if that came off as offensive. I'm actually a Jew as well," said Joly. "Oh it wasn't offensive. It was just an unfunny pun."

"What do you have against puns?" Joly asked, brokenhearted.

"They're not interesting at all. Relying on using puns as jokes just makes you look lazy," Grantaire said, lighting a cigarette.

"It actually takes a bit of time and effort to come up with a good pun," Joly retorted, sneezing twice into a tissue.

"Puns shouldn't even count as jokes."

"Why must you pun-ish me for my sense of humor? I just keep pun-ching out puns left and right. Every time someone groans at my jokes, it only makes things punnier"

"That is the most played out—" Grantaire was about to say something, but he cut off his own sentence with a messy sneeze. Joly got a tissue from the box on the table. He handed it to Grantaire, who honked like a goose as he blew into it.

"Wait, was your cigarette lit?", Joly asked. "Tissues are highly flammable; they'll catch fire. Then your hair will catch on fire and you'll look like Michael Jackson from that pepsi commercial"

"Ha! I remember that commercial. See, Joly, that right there was a good joke," Grantaire said. "Now I'll remember not to blow my nose while smoking a cigarette."

"Speaking of blowing your nose, you mentioned earlier that you got sinus infections. That could be due to a deviated septum. You should probably get that checked out," said the smaller boy.

"What is a deviated septum?" R asked.

"It's basically a crooked nose," Joly explained.

"Well that makes sense. I'm into kickboxing, so my nose has been broken quite a few times."

"Do you want to go to auditions later today? I'll drive," Joly offered. "It's at the Everglades building, which is off campus. Is there any place to park?" asked R. "Yeah, I think so. But the parking is for frogs only. All others will be toad."

"You know what, it doesn't matter what you say anyway. You'll get in regardless because you're hot."

"Does that mean I have a fever?" asked the med student.

"No, it means that you're good-looking, so you can get away with a lot of things," said Grantaire

~~~~~~~~at the audition~~~~~~~~

"Disturbia, it's the darkness in the light. Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum" Joly intentionally sings badly as he dances offstage.

The person auditioning him is a cute girl with curly brown hair. "That was excellent. What's your name, hon?"

"Joly," the med student says, blushing and smiling. Did the woman like his audition? He's never impressed a girl like her before.

"I'm Musichetta," the auditioner says. "I really liked your dad jokes. Not many people can pull that off, but there's something special about you. You're in."

He didn't know how he got in, but Joly was jolly because of it.


End file.
